Can Nostalgia be Inherited? #SOL15 – 2/17/14

“So, buddy… how’s everything going with Joey? He seemed really nice on the class trip,” I tentatively started.

“I don’t want to talk about it,” grumbled my 9-year old.

“Oh.” I tried to sound casual. “Did something happen?”

“Nothing.” Silence. “Except that in stupid gym class, when we were playing a dumb game of volleyball, I accidentally hit him with the ball and he got mad at me and I said I was sorry, but he kept being mad at me and getting other people mad at me during recess and then at lunch kept bringing it up and wouldn’t stop. I mean, is that how a friend is supposed to act?”

I hugged my passionate, hurt boy a little tighter.

“Is there anyone else you can hang out with, you know, until things get better?” I asked cautiously.

“Not really,” he replied, defeated.

“Do you want to try a different school? Meet new kids that you’ll be meeting in middle school in one year anyway?” I want to make things right, but am not sure if this would help matters any. Not having a best friend has been a perpetual concern since second grade. No one seems to be just the right fit. There are sleepovers from which he comes home early. There are parties, where he hangs out with a kid or two, but inevitably is alone by the end. He was hanging out with a group of girls at recess, but that stopped mid-third grade when we talked about how he thought the other boys thought that odd.

“I just don’t understand why I don’t have friends here,” came his response.

“I know, buddy. You really had some amazing friends before we moved. I’m really sorry,” I offered.

Tears start. Shoulders shudder.

“You are a good friend. Just remember –”

“Don’t say it, Mom,” he blurted.

“But, don’t you remember…”

“Don’t say his name. I miss him so much,” he croaked.

“Ok. I won’t.”

“Why can’t I have a best friend like Wade? I miss him,” he uttered through tears and sobs.

“You will. You will again some day.” Then, all I could do was hug him until he fell to sleep.

14 thoughts on “Can Nostalgia be Inherited? #SOL15 – 2/17/14

  1. My heart hurts for you and your little boy. It is so hard to figure out friendships and find a true friend. As parents all we can do is listen, support and give lots of hugs.

  2. Here’s hoping your son finds a good friend soon. It is hard at any age to feel alone and left out of the group. As one who was never in a group at school, it was good to have a friend that live near me that I could hang out with and talk to.

  3. I think when you have to leave some friends behind, you may need a little grieving time (though not a lot) before you can see your next good friend. It’s hard to go find a friend; friends happen when you are being a friend. And maybe he needs to know it’s okay to have a new best friend who isn’t just like Wade. He may overlook some wonderful person. So those are my thoughts that I would put out there for him.
    And for YOU – nice slice today. It’s hard having a child who is hurting in ANY way! We so want to take away those pangs and pains necessary (really?) for growing up.

  4. It’s like we have the same boy. Mine is 9 and has struggled to find a best friend since we moved two years ago. I hate it. I want to move back but I’m not sure it would help and, of course, I have no job there. I just keep the faith that someone will get who he is…sooner rather than later. Thank you for sharing.

    1. Wow. I moved for work and it’s a wonderful position and opportunity, and my other son now has friends when he did not. Everything is great except for this one major factor. I will keep that faith too. Thank you for connecting.

  5. My son always had a hard time when we moved, and we moved a lot. He is the kind of kid who makes friends for life – I suspect that your boy is like that,too. Another Wade will come into his life, and he has your patient understanding to count on until then.

  6. So glad he could talk out his frustrations with you. I’m sure there’s another friend in his future, but that doesn’t take away the pain he’s feeling now. So glad you and your hugs were there for him.

  7. I remember hearing this years ago…
    “Having a child is like having your heart run around outside your body.”

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